Imperfectly Married the Podcast: How to Keep Communication From Ruining Your Marriage
In our latest episode of Imperfectly Married the Podcast, we got real about something every couple faces but few talk openly about: how poor communication slowly builds walls between us. We unpacked the hidden forces that drive disconnection — even when love is still present — and how to turn conflict into a pathway to deeper intimacy.
Here are some key takeaways from our conversation:
1. Poor Communication Leads to False Assumptions
When communication breaks down, assumptions rush in to fill the silence. We begin to guess what our spouse is thinking, why they said what they said (or didn’t say), and what their silence means. The problem? Our assumptions are often wrong — and they’re usually fueled by insecurity, past wounds, or fear.
We talked about how unchecked assumptions can spiral into stories we tell ourselves that aren’t even true — but still hurt us as if they are.
2. Silence Isn’t Always Golden — Sometimes It’s Dangerous
Sometimes we withhold our thoughts or feelings to keep the peace, avoid conflict, or because we don’t know how to express ourselves. But silence doesn’t equal resolution. It often creates emotional distance instead.
We shared how seasons of silence in our own marriage made us feel more like roommates than soulmates — and how emotional closeness only returned when we learned to open up again, even when it was uncomfortable.
3. The Role of Tone, Timing, and Triggers
You can say the right thing the wrong way — and it still causes damage.
Tone communicates emotion more than words do. Timing determines receptiveness. And triggers — often rooted in our past — can turn a simple disagreement into a full-blown argument if we’re not aware of them.
We encouraged couples to slow down long enough to ask, “What’s really going on here?” Is this about the current issue… or is it poking at something deeper?
4. The Past Isn’t Always in the Past
Old, unresolved issues don’t stay buried. They leak into the present — especially during moments of stress or conflict.
Whether it’s something your spouse said years ago or pain from your upbringing, unprocessed wounds can hijack your reactions. Healing begins when we can name those issues, bring them into the light, and deal with them together — not just individually.
5. Conflict Isn’t the Problem — Avoidance Is
One of our favorite parts of this episode was reframing conflict as a bridge, not a barrier. We walked through practical steps couples can take to actually grow closer through conflict:
Get curious, not defensive. Ask “Help me understand” instead of “Why would you say that?”
Make space for both perspectives. You don’t have to agree to empathize.
Follow up. Revisit the conversation after emotions cool to bring clarity and connection.
Pray together. Nothing softens a heart like mutual surrender to God.
Final Thoughts
If your marriage has felt distant lately, you’re not alone. But distance doesn’t have to be permanent. Connection can be rebuilt — one honest, humble conversation at a time. This episode is full of real stories, raw reflections, and hard-earned wisdom from our own journey. We hope it encourages you to press in instead of pulling away.
🎧 Listen to the full episode now — and don’t forget to share it with a couple who needs some encouragement today.