Imperfectly Married: the Podcast - Common Enneagram Mistypes
(And How to Tell What’s Really Driving You)
If you’ve ever read an Enneagram result and thought,
“Parts of this fit… but something feels off,” you’re not broken.
You’re human. And mistyping is incredibly common — especially in marriage.
Mistypes usually happen when we focus on what we do instead of why we do it.
This guide will help you gently untangle the difference.
WHY PEOPLE MISTYPE (ESPECIALLY IN MARRIAGE)
We mistype when we:
Identify with stress behavior, not core motivation
Confuse adaptation with identity
Become the version of ourselves marriage required, not who we are underneath
Choose the type that feels most admirable or familiar
Marriage has a way of stretching us into shapes we didn’t start in.
Let’s clarify.
TYPE 6 mistyped as TYPE 3
“I’m busy, driven, and productive — so I must be a 3.”
Why it happens:
Both types:
Work hard
Look competent
Stay busy under pressure
The real difference:
Type 3: “If I succeed, I have value.”
Type 6: “If I stay prepared, we’ll be safe.”
Marriage clue:
Ask yourself:
Am I afraid of failing… or afraid of things falling apart?
If security is the driver → Type 6
If image and worth are the driver → Type 3
TYPE 9 mistyped as TYPE 2
“I’m kind, supportive, and relational — so I must be a 2.”
Why it happens:
Both types:
Care deeply about relationships
Are generous and accommodating
Avoid obvious conflict
The real difference:
Type 2: Moves toward others to feel loved and needed
Type 9: Moves toward others to keep peace and harmony
Marriage clue:
Ask yourself:
When I help, am I hoping to be appreciated — or hoping no one gets upset?
Appreciation → Type 2
Peace → Type 9
TYPE 7 mistyped as TYPE 3
“I’m energetic, optimistic, and future-focused — so I must be a 3.”
Why it happens:
Both types:
Have high energy
Look confident
Move fast
The real difference:
Type 7: Avoids pain by chasing joy
Type 3: Avoids worthlessness by chasing success
Marriage clue:
Ask yourself:
Does slowing down feel painful… or unproductive?
Painful → Type 7
Unproductive → Type 3
TYPE 1 mistyped as TYPE 6
“I’m responsible, careful, and serious — so I must be a 6.”
Why it happens:
Both types:
Feel internal pressure
Care about doing things right
Take responsibility seriously
The real difference:
Type 1: Driven by integrity and correctness
Type 6: Driven by safety and certainty
Marriage clue:
Ask yourself:
Am I more distressed when something feels wrong… or uncertain?
Wrong → Type 1
Uncertain → Type 6
TYPE 5 mistyped as TYPE 9
“I’m quiet, calm, and low-key — so I must be a 9.”
Why it happens:
Both types:
Withdraw under stress
Dislike overwhelm
Value calm
The real difference:
Type 5: Withdraws to conserve energy
Type 9: Withdraws to avoid disruption
Marriage clue:
Ask yourself:
Do I pull back because I’m depleted… or because tension feels overwhelming?
Depleted → Type 5
Overwhelmed → Type 9
TYPE 4 mistyped as TYPE 2
“I’m emotionally aware and deeply caring — so I must be a 2.”
Why it happens:
Both types:
Are emotionally attuned
Care deeply about connection
Can be expressive
The real difference:
Type 4: Wants to be seen and understood
Type 2: Wants to be needed and appreciated
Marriage clue:
Ask yourself:
When I’m hurting, do I feel unseen — or unappreciated?
Unseen → Type 4
Unappreciated → Type 2
TYPE 8 mistyped as TYPE 1
“I’m intense, direct, and justice-oriented — so I must be a 1.”
Why it happens:
Both types:
Hate injustice
Speak up
Have strong opinions
The real difference:
Type 1: Anger is controlled and internal
Type 8: Anger is direct and protective
Marriage clue:
Ask yourself:
Does my anger simmer quietly — or surge forward quickly?
Simmer → Type 1
Surge → Type 8
ONE QUESTION THAT CLARIFIES ALMOST EVERYTHING
When you’re unsure, ask yourself:
“What am I most afraid would happen if I stopped doing this?”
The answer almost always reveals your true type.
A FINAL WORD FOR MARRIAGE
Mistyping doesn’t mean you’re confused.
It usually means you’re adaptive, loving, and doing your best.
The Enneagram isn’t about boxing you in —
it’s about helping you come home to yourself
so you can show up more honestly in your marriage.
If you would like to know more or if you are interested in Enneagram coaching click HERE for more details.